Anticipation
by chinochan-inulover
Summary: She couldn’t rely on a promise of protection that was a liability to him- that maybe he would forsake when it came to it. Therefore she was getting ready. -- Mentions of gore and possible character death


Anticipation

She couldn't rely on a promise of protection that was a liability to him- that maybe he would forsake when it came to it. Therefore she was getting ready.

All that was left inside her now were her powers. She had never been stronger because she hadn't ever been more desolate, more miserable and so utterly _empty_. And her miko power had festered on the space that was gifted to them with the loosing of her strength, her love her trust.

And all this because she'd been broken by her love of him.

She had left her bow behind- it was just another thing she wasn't as good as the original. No she trained and fought with a iron, with intricate silver patterns _naginata_. Something she had won with her own efforts- the efforts of a loner now. Although she was never really alone, her soul bore no one, no friend or enemy, she was just devoid of bonds and connections- she didn't ever feel human anymore.

Behind stood her youthful days of cooking Ramen to Inuyasha, Miroku, Sango, Shippo and Kirara. Long gone were her days filled with laughter. In the past she'd left happiness and warmth.

There had been too many endurances lately, too many doubt plaguing her mind, and too much hurt clogging the air, for someone to smile or laugh.

But this time she was sure. There was no trust in her. Inuyasha wouldn't protect her… this was going to be their second shot at the final battle and he'd already demonstrated in the first time who he would choose to protect.

Melancholically interrupting her musings, her grey-blue eyes gazed upon her naked stomach and inwardly winced at the ugly scars of betrayal- of being second-best.

As she carefully donned her black hakama and peach colored suikan, and then her gauntlets, to finally lift her heavy armor above her head, and tie swift knots under her arms to held it in place, she raised her faithful and solid naginata and carried with it through the room to the sliding shoji, the soft tatami caressing her tabi socks clad feet.

Her braided black hair whipped when she turned to the mirror behind her in the room that had been assigned to the powerful shikon no miko in the West fortress- she could barely hold her childish tears as her mind took her again to the moment where she'd been swamped under the weight of dead but still above hell ground, after her last encounter with Naraku, after she'd been safe, but not by him.

"_Kagome"_

"_Who are you? Who is that? Inuyasha!"_

"_There is no Inuyasha in this world, Kagome. We cannot trust anyone. He has broken his promise"_

_Sorrowful tears clung to her cheek bones and flooded her eyes when she realized, this voice spoke the truth._

"_Who are you?"_

"_I am you, as I am many others. I'm known as Midoriko, and I await your aid."_

"_M-Me?" she stuttered between tears, and wiped them with the sleeve of her white and green seirufuku. _

"_Yes… To defeat the monster who wishes to taint the jewel there is only one way. Absorb him and yourself into the jewel and spend your lifetime in an everlasting fight to balance good and evil inside the jewel."_

"_Is this the… is this the only way?"_

"_It is. Sacrifice yourself. There is nothing else for you in the mundane living world."_

"_But…Inuyasha…My friends… Sango-chan, Miroku-sama… momma, Souta-kun… jiji…"_

"_Your family has kept on living, you do not belong in that world anymore, you'd never fit. You have fallen in love with this land…"_

_Kagome was going to interrupt that soft but still severe voice that filled her very pores as it damped the air. She was unable once the woman's voice who'd called herself Midoriko continued speaking._

"_Child, the houshi and the taijyia that you've come to cherish as your siblings, will be happy on their own; they'll get married and share a lifetime of happiness. The little kitsune will grow to one of the most wondrous specimens of his kind… He'll be indeed great as he's always dreamed of."_

"_And…" she swallowed hard. The voice was explaining her that she was no good to either worlds. She could use her strength and power in the jewel maintaining the balance and fighting Naraku forever. And forever was such a strong word… But she already felt like a burden… and the voice was right… none of them needed her, she was useless… And Inuyasha was certainly the one who needed her the least._

_Before Midoriko could answer, blue-grey eyes hardened with the truth and devoid of glinting illusions faced that darkness._

"_You are right. I will fill my duty."_

"_**Kagome… this is why you were born."**_

_The voice dissipated but the dark got darker, and consumed her entered her and filled her with a duty she could not abandon, a need to be good for something_

When she had told them they had discarded her thoughts, even Kikyo couldn't accept that… but Kagome was sure that Kikyo was afraid to be the one the jewel chose to aid Midoriko in her fight.And Inuyasha swore once again that she was under his protection and that he'd never let anything get to her, and they jusdt didn't want to worry over her being absorbed into the little sphere of pain.

The first final battle with Naraku came and her stomach had been pierced after she'd almost been raped, because Inuyasha had been too worried fussing over Kikyo. If it weren't for Koga, she wouldn't exist. The undead hadn't even been endangered, and the fact that weren't Hi Nezumi clad arms the one she had woken up in from that fright cut deep into her heart, knowing he hadn't come to rescue her, that he'd willingly let her die.

And that was the final brick to her heart's wall. Since then they'd journeyed to Sesshomaru searching for all the aid they could get,

She watched in the mirror, almost mesmerized inside her mind, as her face hardened to ivory carved features. Her love for him was still there although she'd tried to bury it over and over. It had been almost 5 months since that had happened, and since then she'd learn how to fight with the naginata, and how to improve her useless self. Now she was good for something, she had a major goal in her life now. Defeat Naraku. Not marrying Inuyasha, not loving him until she died- because that'd happen soon enough.

She also learnt how to distance herself from them greatly.

She had never noticed their reactions to her changing. She avoided it, even now she stifled the choke that arose in her throat as memories surface and ignored the fact that in the sakura fields, under the flowery snow, Sango tried to call to her.

Miroku looked at his fiancée with a sad glance as if to warn her to stop trying, she was the only who even tried. Sango avoided the hanyou's eyes with rage knowing it was his fault, she blamed him with scorching fire in her look, took the hanyou's self-loath to careless highs. The houshi avoided his hanyou friend's eyes because he knew Inuyasha would lift heavy eyes to them and remain in his guilt and shame as Kagome finished crossing the inner gardens, and he felt pity for his friend, because he'd unwillingly destroyed the woman he loved.

Amber eyes follower her fight garmented form with sorrow and angst, as the same feelings carved even deeper in his heart and soul. He knew what it had done had been foul, the Kagome he knew and had come to cherish so deeply that he couldn't even explain the depths of the feeling… was no more.

As she came to the cliff where Sesshomaru stood, stoic and unperturbed she dug the end of her naginata on the floor and looked into his eyes just as coldly and collected, his royal rich voice filled the crispy air of the morning with the crashing of the waves as background.

"Miko, are you ready?"

"I'll fulfill my duty, to death."

Her braid flew in the wind relishing in the last days of freedom.


End file.
